October 3, 2017

October.


Hey, hi, hello! It's been, I don't know, eight hundred years-ish since I wrote anything here, but I'm very slowly carving out more and more time for myself as I attempt to navigate this whole motherhood thing. For a while, all my free time went to catching up on sleep and errands and friendships and phone calls and appointments. I'm never quite caught up, to be honest, and maybe I never will be? Maybe I never was? That's fine, though. It really is. For a long time I was a person who wasn't so fine with it — that restless, anxious feeling of being just slightly behind, of chasing and trying to keep up. But now I am. A lovely effect of motherhood: Patience and acceptance for the many, many things you can't control and sure as hell don't want to. One less thing to worry about? Perfect.

Besides, everything feels easier in October. The air gets crisp, the light turns golden, and that back-to-school September vibe fades into a steady sort of energy that puts a pep in everybody's steps. The leaves! The sweaters! The cozy days inside reading books! After hot, fun-but-busy summers, fall feels like that breath of cool, fresh air that comes when you step outside first thing in the morning. Every meme about trees changing colors and fall being the best is just so damn true, you know?

I may be biased, but nowhere is October better than in Chicago. This is my homesick month, the time of year when I feel just a little bit unsettled in California — when I look around and suddenly feel like there's too much blue. I miss the brick. I miss the tailgates. I miss the oak-tree canopies over wide-laned streets. I miss the yellow maple in my parents' front yard, and the way my mom used to shout "My side! My side!" whenever we were driving and she spotted a perfectly fall-colored tree.

That's why I walk through our neighborhood in the early sunrise hours, a time when the sidewalks are empty and the chill feels a little more familiar. I listen to the songs I loved in high school, the ones I cranked up when I drove with the windows down and the heat blasting, my best friend shout-singing in the passenger seat. And again and again I think: October really is magic.


4 comments:

Kelly Guzman said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly Guzman said... [Reply to comment]

I've miss you. You're sort of like October. A breath of fresh air, with some magic.

Laura Marie Meyers said... [Reply to comment]

@Kelly Guzman <3 <3 <3

Grace Dellis said... [Reply to comment]

So lovely to see you back here! I always love your words.