August 4, 2015

three years later.

Three years since I married him, since the sparklers surprised me and I took his name. Three years, and ever since, the ground beneath my feet has felt just a bit more solid. With him, I feel steadied.

I've had good days and tough days and a few damn-near-perfect days since we said "I do," but every night, when I crawl into bed, I feel anchored to something, and to someone. I'm most grateful for that, I think, because really, it's that sense of balance that lets me be bolder, maybe, than I really am.

Cliché, true, as always: How much, how little, has changed. 

My hair's gotten darker, his flecked with grays. We moved from an apartment to a house, from our mid-twenties to late, but still there are too-wild nights and too-lazy days and moments that make us feel like we're just pretending to be adults, like we're just moving through the motions.

I read once that a part of you will always hold on to the age someone was when you first met them, and I get it. I really do. He's traded Bob Marley tees for tailored shirts, clean cheeks for a bit of scruff, but still, sometimes I glance over as he fastens his watch, grabs his briefcase, and he's still twenty. He's still sunburnt, a beer in his hand, the beach behind him. Sometimes, he's still my boyfriend.

We've lived what feels like a lifetime in three short years. When we were dating, I kept a list of my favorite moments with him in the back of a diary, and although I don't write them down anymore, I still mentally tick them off as they happen. This one's list-worthy, I'll think. Maybe even top ten.

That's what I thought two nights ago, an ordinary night, during that short in-between time when the sun's dying down but you haven't turned on the lights yet. I was sad, really sad, and when he brought me in for a hug, he didn't try to fix anything. He just said, "You're my favorite," and I knew he meant it, and I let my face rest against his chest so that I could hear his heartbeat.

Three years and he's my favorite, and I feel steadied, like a heartbeat.

7 comments:

Briel said... [Reply to comment]

Beautiful post. Happy anniversary!

Sam | ashore said... [Reply to comment]

tears.
your love is such a good one.

Kate said... [Reply to comment]

This is beautiful. Happy Anniversary!

Libby Kolble said... [Reply to comment]

Lovely Laura. Happy Anniversary! xo

Laura Marie Meyers said... [Reply to comment]

@Sam | ashore<3 <3 <3

Patricia Rosato said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Anniversary! I just adore your writing, and this gave me the tingles. Thank you for capturing something so beautiful and sharing it with me. If you ever write a book, I cannot wait to read it!

Jodie Meredith said... [Reply to comment]

It never stops either. LOVED this post. Thank you. Just what I needed today.