September 25, 2012

the beginning.

Truth is, I can pinpoint the exact moment that I first fell in love with Radley — and I say that while knowing that falling in love is a process, an ongoing affair, a string of moments that make you feel lighter and truer and more afraid than you've ever been. And yet, of all the moments, there's just one that comes to mind. Just one that seems to mark the before and the after of our story.

I had plans to pick up another friend at the airport, so I asked Radley to come and keep me company during the trip. Looking back, I realize that so many of our first memories seemed to be just that simple: driving in the car, walking along the boardwalk, just him and me and maybe music or the ocean or the sound of our steps. Everything was effortless. I liked that.

As always, my friend's flight was delayed, so we drove to the cell phone lot to wait. I instantly felt nervous, as if I knew that the sudden stop — the lack of motion — would force something to the surface. It did.

For months we'd been playing an on-and-off, yes-and-no sort of game — a game that was mostly my fault, and mostly because the sincerity of it all left me terrified. He was good and true and honest, and not in the least bit afraid to say that he loved me. Not in the least afraid of what that love meant for tomorrow, the next day, and the next. It was all new to me. The purity and the clarity of his feelings were something I'd never known, and so I kept one foot out the door. For months, one foot was ready to run.

I couldn't quite tell you what we talked about that night, probably the weather or some other small-talk topic to keep the silence from settling in. A CD was playing through the stereo, a mix filled with Mat Kearney and Dave Matthews, Ingrid Michaelson and so on. Lots of guitar and piano. And for whatever reason, in the middle of whatever conversation, the two of us suddenly became quiet. We stopped speaking, staring through the open windows and then the sunroof and then finally through each other. He stared through me. Whether it was the song or the bay breeze or the stillness of the silent parking lot, the simplicity of the moment pushed me to actually feel. To stay. (I didn't run.)

It was early August, surprisingly cool outside for a San Diego summer night. He wore a dark t-shirt and his hair needed to be cut and he hadn't shaven for at least a week, and I remember thinking that I'd never known such a beautiful person in my life. Not just beautiful in a handsome way, either, but the kind of beautiful that can be felt in the quiet of a car and a song and a breeze. 

I cried and then he laughed, and that was just the beginning, you know?

(Photo by Cooper Carras)

P.S. See more of our love story today on Beauty & the Feast!


Laura said... [Reply to comment]

I almost cried. Beautifully written. It's wonderful to have such memories...

x Laura

JacPfef said... [Reply to comment]

this is perfect. so, so perfect.

Natalie said... [Reply to comment]

I just read this twice. And cried twice. So good.

k8te said... [Reply to comment]

what a beautiful beginning! i can't wait to read more!

sahara said... [Reply to comment]

you guys are so sweet..
u make me wana marry soon hehe even though its too early for me heh
bless u guys :)

Jess | the Jess Journals said... [Reply to comment]

Way too touching! But inspiring :) Thank you for that!

Allie said... [Reply to comment]

So beautiful! I hope I experience something like this sometime in my life.

Kelsey Elizabeth said... [Reply to comment]

this is utterly perfect. your writing is wonderful and inspiring, thank you for sharing!

Rachael {all things beautiful} said... [Reply to comment]

How beautiful and special! Thanks for sharing your story. I found you from Beauty and the Feast. Love your blog.. I'm your newest follower :)


Laura Marie said... [Reply to comment]

@Rachael {all things beautiful} Welcome! And thank YOU for visiting :)

Amanda Holland said... [Reply to comment]

I love your story! You two are so inspiring :)

RetreatingAndAdvancing said... [Reply to comment]

what a wonderful story! It makes me think of our beginning..

Niken said... [Reply to comment]

i'm speechless. and if i didn't read it in a room full of people, i might have cried now.

Becky Turnbull said... [Reply to comment]

This is so beautiful! It genuinely did just bring a tear to my eye. I wish you all the happiness in the world :) I most definitely will be following your blog now.

Love Becky xxx

Francesca Forzoni said... [Reply to comment]

ohhh i love this - i have felt this and lost this.. i don't think he will ever forgive me for having one foot out the door in the beginning.. he's now found someone who stayed.. i was too late.. i still remember those simple moments though.. i miss them x

Kristin said... [Reply to comment]

love it

HomeSweetDenver said... [Reply to comment]

One of the best things about being married is that every morning brings a new beginning! We screw it up sometimes, and other days it feels perfect, but you can always count on there being a new day to try again!