February 8, 2012

when dust settles.

Endings keep popping up in conversation lately. Stories of leaving, of finishing. Stories of conclusion. I for one have never been good with endings. I'm a beginnings person, someone who revels in the delight of change and enjoys navigating new territory. Endings startle and stun me—stop me right in my tracks. I never know how to negotiate the aftermath because I'm afraid to see the dust settle.

Looking back, I haven't allowed for many endings. I've managed to steer most of my experiences and relationships so that they land on a forever timeline, or at least something close to it. Come to think of it, some of the most heartbreaking endings have been leaving certain cities—San Diego, mostly, and Oxford, England. I knew as I left those cities that my time there was over and I struggled, wrestling with that knowledge and doing my best to pretend it wasn't so. Even now they're the places that tend fill my daydreams: absence makes the heart grow fonder, etc.

This is all to say that it's hard to close the back cover. With books I find myself clutching the final flimsy pages and re-reading them over and over again, wishing I could stay in the world just a little bit longer. More often than not, I'd rather balance along the edges of an ending—unsteady—than see the conclusion rise up to meet me. Isn't that sort of how it goes, though?

(Photo: My Flickr)

7 comments:

Brittany said... [Reply to comment]

Love this. I've never really thought of it that way--being an endings person or a beginnings person. I think the trick, for me at least, is to make sure that the ending turns quickly into a beginning. It makes saying goodbye to people and chapters, not so hard.

Brittany said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brittany said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura Marie said... [Reply to comment]

@Brittany So, so well put! Love that.

Allie said... [Reply to comment]

I do the same thing! Although I like to think I'm more of a middle person. I love being in the depths of a relationship, book, etc.

What book are you talking about specifically? I need a good recommendation!

Laura Marie said... [Reply to comment]

@Allie Honestly, I feel this way with just about every book! If you haven't read anything by Marisa de los Santos, check out some of her stuff :)

I do, I do. said... [Reply to comment]

A very well written post! Felt like you spoke my mind. We resembled here a lot. :)

Love, from India.

http://inthepourinrain.blogspot.in/