January 31, 2012

all its own.

Lately my weekends have been filled with to dos—wedding errands, apartment errands, work—but this past weekend was left (almost) wide open, mine to fill however I pleased. Usually I try to fill that time, to use it up by going out, seeing friends, or, more likely, creating extra errands for myself. (Go figure.) This weekend, though, I gave myself a break. For the first time in far too long, I allowed myself the space to breathe—as in, I literally spent a full hour lying on our bed, strategically positioned so that the sun was on my face, and I just breathed. That was it. No reading, no phone call, no music. Just lying there in the quiet, soaking up the sun, breathing. It was heaven.

There were also morning runs and long, drawn out breakfasts and—my favorite—an afternoon spent walking along the water with Radley. It's been unseasonably warm, somewhere in the mid-sixties, and we walked all the way to the base of the bridge (more pictures to come later.) For the millionth time I felt how blessed we are to live here, how lucky I am to be with someone who can move between moments of smart conversation and silence, and who knows when to do so.

The air smelled fresh and light—like most ocean air—and I kept trying to compare it to San Diego. My mind kept trying to bring me back to Mission Beach, to let me re-live those senses, but the sand was too dark and too grainy, the bay too still, the boardwalk too calm. A thought crossed my mind: they're not the same place. And in that moment I realized how much I've been trying to carry pieces of San Diego over to this city, how much I've been desperately looking for similar threads, something I recognize—a resemblance, a matching memory. I realized that I've been holding on.

But San Francisco isn't San Diego, far from it. They're different, and they don't need to be compared. Sometimes, it's okay to let something just be without having to analyze it or fit it into a box you can understand. Sometimes, you run across something that's all its own, nothing like anything you've ever seen or heard, nothing like anyone you've ever known.

And isn't that sort of wonderful?

(Photos: My Flickr)

7 comments:

The Magnificent Lou said... [Reply to comment]

I can so relate with "creating extra errands." I love to be able to check things off my to-do, even if it means adding more errands and chores. Nothing is as satisfying as the check mark.

Can I also I am envious you live in that beauty?! SF is one of our stops on our California-road trip honeymoon! I cannot wait. (And it is 17 months away!)

Laura Marie said... [Reply to comment]

@The Magnificent Lou What a fun honeymoon idea, love that! :)

Ashley said... [Reply to comment]

so so wonderful. :)

Katherine Krieg said... [Reply to comment]

oh there's nothing like chrissy field in the sunshine. you two are adorable - can't wait to hear more about the wedding!

Deborah Piana Agostinetti said... [Reply to comment]

Lovely pictures!

I do, I do. said... [Reply to comment]

Yours and your partner's pics always make me feel good! :) Nice read!

Puput said... [Reply to comment]

beach, blue sky, sand, sunny day.... I wish I were there!