April 18, 2011

my two cents: on letting go.

Recently I had an aha moment of sorts--thanks to a little wisdom, of course, from (who else?) Sam. She's the one I go to when I want to find the truth in something--the same "big picture" truth I'd eventually reach myself, if I weren't so busy agonizing over all the little things. She's good at that: bringing the parts into the whole, showing me where everything fits. 

See, there's this piece of my life that I'd kept fretting over, kept trying to fix or restore somehow. It was the sort of thing that leaves you up at night, wondering where in the world things went wrong. Or what you should have done. Could have done. Wondering what, if anything, you can do about it now.

I was whining about it, again, to Sam last week. "Why can't I just let it go?" I asked her. "Why can't I just leave it be, once and for all?" And--so wonderfully putting it into writerly language I'd relate to--she answered: "Because you don't like how the story ended."

And that was it. So simple, yes, but that was it. I couldn't release it because I couldn't stop trying to rewrite it. I'd been trying to alter scenes, shift the characters, to tie it all up with a wonderful epiphany. But it just didn't end that way. It was an ending with loose ends, the kind that leaves you hanging, the kind that begs the question: "What if?" 

So finally I just had to put down the pen. Stop revising. Stop rephrasing.
And realize that sometimes, the fact that there's no resolution is the resolution.

19 comments:

becky said... [Reply to comment]

Oh, this is sublime! This is so, so wonderful and so expressive of something I think everyone feels---the type of late night deliberation that makes us itch, sometimes for years and years on end (or is that just me?) I'm glad you've had your epiphany and I'm glad you've reached your resolution---it is possibly a little ironic that you have, in fact, reached it through writing about it. x

wilybrunette said... [Reply to comment]

i would like to bookmark this for forever. because it's absolute perfection. and something i know only too well.

Miss A said... [Reply to comment]

This is one of the most inspiring and beautiful posts I have ever read. I am going to keep coming back to read it over and over again :)

Cassie said... [Reply to comment]

Reading this post is what I have also been struggling with. I got an email the other day that I have read before but this time it had more meaning. It was titled: Reason, Season or a Lifetime. The spark notes version goes like this: Some people are meant to be in your life for a short time: reason. Some are meant to stay for longer, maybe years and then they just vanish: season. Then you have the people in your life that will always be there no matter what: lifetime.

After I really soaked that in and started to place the "what-if's" with oh, he/she was only meant for a reason/season, it helps me start to "let go" as well. Have a great week Laura! :)

nadiine said... [Reply to comment]

This was so amazingly written :) I'm going to add this to my bookmarks and read back on this because sometimes it is hard to let go and this will help in the long-run x

Laura Marie said... [Reply to comment]

@Cassie Wow... reason, season, or a lifetime. I LOVE that. Lovelovelove it. Thanks for sharing :)

stephanie said... [Reply to comment]

Love this and you. Always go to your blog for a little inspiration :)

Wander said... [Reply to comment]

gah! every time I come away from your blog posts going "yes!" and pointing at my computer screen awkwardly. of course, I'm usually in my room, but I wanted to feel scholarly and studious today, so I'm in my school library (so pretty...I might go smell some of the books before I leave, just cause)

significantly more awkward when I yell and point at my computer here.

don't laugh. you know you do it too.

Hannah Elizabeth said... [Reply to comment]

also...yeaaaah....I'm "wander." I have no idea how but I was logged in with the wrong e-mail address...which is funny cause it was still taking me to my dashboard...

I don't know. Rolls eyes...it's one of those days.

Ana* said... [Reply to comment]

@ Laura: The last line you wrote hits home for me. this post is brilliant. Your writing is so refreshing.

@ Cassie: I loveeee your comment, reason, season or a lifetime. Something I'd been struggling with since last year evaporated from my heart as I read what you wrote. Thanks for sharing.

Kristina said... [Reply to comment]

What a refreshing post and the simplicity of your friends answer is so powerful, and so true. I have heard of the reason, season or a lifetime and I couldn't agree more! Have a lovely day!!

Sara said... [Reply to comment]

This is just so beautiful!

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

What a wonderful post! I'm glad you have someone who gives you that kind of insight - and thanks for passing it along to us!

cOLey24 said... [Reply to comment]

@Cassie, I am totally stealing that thought as well... it's great! Thank you for sharing :)

allie margaret said... [Reply to comment]

So beautifully put, I love it. Sometimes I need to be reminded of this.

allie

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said... [Reply to comment]

"And realize that sometimes, the fact that there's no resolution is the resolution."

I LOVE THIS.

Rachael said... [Reply to comment]

That is very wise. And so true!

Googlover/keishua said... [Reply to comment]

Great post. I love the ending sentence. Sometimes, I hang on really hard to things wanting them to be settled but it okay not to have everything all tidy.

Rachael {all things beautiful} said... [Reply to comment]

I can't tell you how much I enjoy your blog and your writing. I've been going through a very difficult time in my life right now and have found such comfort in your posts about heartache, life, and love. You have such an amazing way of articulating feelings and you also give a sense of comfort that everything really will be ok. Keep it up.. I always look forward to reading your posts.