March 17, 2011

a moment of clarity.

Yesterday, while speaking to a friend, I found myself apologizing--to them? to myself?--for rattling on about all my anxieties for the future. I'd been going on and on about all my worries: where I'd live and what I'd do and who I'd be five, ten, fifteen years down the line. And then I caught myself. I stopped.

"I'm so sorry," I said, embarrassed. "I overanalyze. I overthink. I know."

And their response was so unexpected, so perfect--just what I needed to hear, just when I needed to hear it. "Don't apologize for being introspective, for freaking out about anything," they said. "If you weren't freaking out, well, that would be something to worry about."

How insightful, I thought, and how comforting. How true, too--because if I weren't concerned, wouldn't that be terrible? Wouldn't it be absolutely terrible not to care, not to consider all the options? To simply throw in the towel and settle for what's easiest?

It would be, I think... And so I'll carry on. 

I'll carry on fretting, carry on with my mild freakouts. I'll keep making those quarter-life-crisis phone calls to friends, keep writing pros and cons lists, keep on with the could's and the maybe's and the but-what-if's. 

And I won't apologize, either. Nope. 
I won't worry about my worrying one little bit.

13 comments:

Jennifer Rod said... [Reply to comment]

I agree with you. And I've been there too, over analyzing everything. But some times that makes us a bit wiser... you know to think things through before we make any decisions.

Enjoy your day!

Lillian (Unstitched.) said... [Reply to comment]

I love that response. That happens to me all the time - apologizing for things that are perfectly acceptable. Perhaps it's because I don't like to be a burden on others...I'm someone who likes to please. But being true to yourself, having these worries - it's so normal for people our age. No worrying about it. Agreed. :)

Rachael said... [Reply to comment]

You definitely don't need to apologize for over-analyzing about your future! It's important to you! It should be important!
I'm like that too, so I know where you're coming from.
And hey, if you need to "over-analyze" from time to time, you can do it on your blog! Don't worry. We'll relate. Or we'll just stop following you. Kidding!

janis said... [Reply to comment]

I can absolutely relate to this - I am the queen of over-analysis and meta-anxiety (getting all anxious about my anxiety). But very true advice - at least it's a sign we're taking things seriously. I just have to make sure that it doesn't take hold.

Ariel said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ariel said... [Reply to comment]

I can definitely relate. I think that's what the college, and few years after college are about. Our decisions now will shape our entire future. I think it's important to realize the importance of the decisions we make, but to never let the fear of the multiple choices that present themselves keep you from fully living a happy and enjoyable life. :)
~Ariel at http://adreamersdaze.blogspot.com/

Julie said... [Reply to comment]

Good for you, I need to work on adopting this attitude about my worrying ways.

Danielle said... [Reply to comment]

I had one of those mild-freakouts yesterday! Thanks for writing this, it made me feel a lot better! It really would be terrible not to care.

Heidiopia said... [Reply to comment]

Yes, you should definitely care, ponder, explore possibilities. Just don't worry so much that you step out of the moment. Time is fleeting! :)
be blessed, sweet LM!

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

I love this!

Meghan said... [Reply to comment]

Umm, I SO needed this post! I constantly worry about the future!

~Abby~ said... [Reply to comment]

I want that chair!
People at school call me a spaz..I'm always worrying, or having mini anxiety attacks.
But they said(like your friend said) they'd worry about me if I didn't do that.
I've always been like that. I just worry about the future a lot.


Have a lovely weekend. :)
-Abby..♥

Lemons Don't Make Lemonade said... [Reply to comment]

I'm often apprehensive about the future, and I am the type of person who stays up at night worrying about a bunch of crap.

But it keeps me thinking, and that's most important. (:

I love all the pictures on your blog. I'm still in awe. WHERE do people get such amazing pictures? (: