July 13, 2010

one or the other.

I have lots of fears: mice and pigeons and loss. 
And also choosing. I have a huge, paralyzing fear of choice.
Because choosing means one or the other, A or B, door 1 or door 2.
And whatever you don't choose is one giant potential regret.

Because what if door 1 is wrong? What if you should've walked through door 2? And what if--heaven forbid--you actually make a mistake?

That's the crutch of it, the heart of my fear, really: mistakes. I'm a perfectionist to the core and mistakes are the bullets I spend all my energy trying to dodge. And you know what? It's exhausting

So sometimes I force myself to sit back and realize that A or B really isn't so scary, that life is a guessing game and you're just not always going to be right. And chances are, if you play your cards right, you just might be able to retrace your steps and go back to door 2. Maybe. Just maybe.

And besides, mistakes mark the turns in our lives, the bends in the road, the bumps and bruises that make our life interesting. 

Oh, and they're also the very best source of writing inspiration.


~Abby~ said... [Reply to comment]

Choosing is really scary for me too!
But I think...whatever is meant to be will happen. It's out of our hands. It makes me feel better that in the end, whatever I choose will be right for me, and if it isn't; in the end, I'll realize it happened for a reason.

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Choosing scares me as well!!! But, ultimately life is about choices and the ones we choose are the paths we take. Happiness is a choice .... GO GET IT!! Sending you a hug and now whenever I see diet coke I think of you .. lol!! XO lady!

Little Vi said... [Reply to comment]

I completely agree, great post! :)

Morgan said... [Reply to comment]

Great post I LOVE your writing! ♥

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britni @ Antika Moda said... [Reply to comment]

I totally relate to this...I'm also a perfectionist and am on a mission to not let the fear of failure rule my life. Great post!

Sara said... [Reply to comment]

Aw, I have a fear of loss and making choices as well!

Sarah Rall said... [Reply to comment]

Your posts lately have been so dead on with what I'm feeling and all these crazy life choices I am about to make. Thanks for the daily words of wisdom! http://jlih.tumblr.com/

Kat said... [Reply to comment]

Great post. I don't really fear choosing, but I don't think I like to may choses. It gets overwhelming. Even shoppinh today. I just wanted sunscreen and I had too many options

s a m said... [Reply to comment]

it's so wonderful to have a feeling in my own heart so perfectly articulated by you.